Test

I find myself before your presence, your eyes look at me with such disrespect as if you wanted to be away from me, but nothing is said from your lips and I start to wonder myself in trying to guess what your thoughts are. You stumble upon a bit of anger as you say that distance is what you desire from me, making it look like I am unable to keep up with what you wonder to get from me or just even ask. I start to walk away so that I wouldn't had to hear another word you might say, far, as far away as possible.
After some time away from you, I start to think of what you could be doing, and if you had calmed down from what I couldn't understand that had happened, I felth confused. Day by day, night by night, time passes and I keep wondering. I go on living my life as it should suposed to be while I never get to know about you or hear a word that you might had said, you desapeared completely from the range of my life, weird.
One day, I find myself looking in the mirror thinking what of me could have made you so upset, though I never found the simplest answer. I can't cherish any memory of you since they all seem to have faded away, like every word you wispered in my hears, you've realy, realy gone missing in my life.
I don't know why, but I do feel pain for not knowing you anymore, I get anguished everytime I try to remember, each single time, it causes my head to ache and my mind to swell in and endless pit of thoughts, It's painfull. Feeling lost, I loose the courage to be able to try searching for you, I feel that I would never find you like I used to do it out there on the world, I'm trying to give it up on all of it but there is something that I can't find that keeps me attached to the feeling that you are still out there.
At nights I whisper to my self saying that I need to go ahead and keep trying to forget you, this all looks like you've made it with a purpose, knowing me like you do, that I would just let it go without doing anything... as if you would really know of it, maybe, but that doesn't mean you could do it anyway, you big jerk. This is why I try to forget, this is why all the effort I could put it in would seem useless.
And much more useless to thing of persuing you, for such thought would even pass through so many minds, I could not care less of it...
But one thing is for sure, every living thing in this planet would say that your reasons, may be pure, but the way you did to accomplish them were wrong, now you've lost I you could had kept, I can't know if you ahve any regrets, but don't just drag those regrets along with me.

Bot (human)

Tinha começado eu a aventura que me iria durar uma possivel eternidade, não seria de esperar que cedo ou tarde iria demonstrar o porquê de tal decisão em me envolver num mundo de fantasia e imaginação, sonhos e ilusões, e muita asneirada verbal por caminhos que me eram desconhecidos. Trazendo comigo apenas uns calções, uns chinelos, uma t-shirt e uma espada, embora novinha em folha, a lamina era terrivel para enfrentar as durabilidades que me seguiam no caminho em frente neste jogo da vida. Por muitos monstros que matasse, por muitas pessoas que resgatasse e por incriveis que fossem os prémios pelos meus feitos heroicos, queria muito mais, mais acção, mais tarefas, mais recompensas sem saber quando parar. Por muito forte que me tivesse tornado queria ser ainda mais forte, mais que os outros jogadores, então passava longas horas durante muitos dias seguidos a jogar para conseguir ficar mais forte, e aqueles pontos a mais de força que ia ganhando nunca eram sufecientes. mas eu continuava, com um propósito que para muitos era incompreensivel e até nem eu conseguia explicar...
Quando numa Quest mundial foi convocada ao qual eu tinha aderido só para ficar mais forte, lá tu apareceste com a tua inocente presença do qual ninguem desconfiava, eras só outra pessoa qualquer no mundo que jogava com uma arqueira num nivel mediano tal como eu era um guerreiro de nivel duvidoso a tentar perseguir algo neste infinito jogo, lá fomos milhares de jogadores, pequenos mas imensos personágens num ecrã para cumprir o pedido de enfrentar uma legião de dragões, grifos e criaturas das trevas, entre outros monstros maquiavélicos, para receber um prémio, pontos de experiencia e tempo perdido.
Saberia eu as imensas casualidades, o incrivel numero de Revives e os alargados pedidos de poções e ajuda para a maior parte de nós cair no desespero de não conseguirmos cumprir tal missão, tentámos e tentámos até que de alguns jogadores de uma Guild, avancadissimos para o nivel em que a maior parte dos outros jogadores estavam começaram a atacarem-se entre si para verem quais eram mais fortes, mas eles não se contentavam com o sangue que derramavam entre si em vez de o dos monstros, e começaram a atacar os jogadores mais fracos. Perdidos na confusão, um atrás de outro morreria e renasceria na Fonte da Vida onde todos os personágens surgem, e eu que quase que ficava sem poções, não só pelo ataque dos monstros selvagens como tambem dos outros "sob's" (acho melhor não colocar esta parte por inteiro) que só queriam a glória de serem os mais fortes, tal como eu, mas eles decidiram levar outro caminho mais traiçoeiro, enquanto que no meio do jogo surge alguém que pede ajuda a um Admin para travar os parvos que a Quest não estavam a cumprir, até que de repente eles pararam e questionaram o porquê de não conseguirem mecher os seus personágens, e foram imediatamente banidos do sistema de jogo. Jovial foi tal momento em que nós jogadores de menor nivel poderiamos continua com a Quest para ganharmos dos nossos esforços, excepto eu. Estando eu parado enquanto que os outros jogadores avançavam para a glória, questionava enquanto olhava para a tua personágem de arqueira também parada e lógo te perguntei: "és Admin?" ao qual ela não respondia, com uma certa animação disponivel no jogo, eu activo-a direccionando a que o meu personágem fizesse um smilley e disse-lhe "de qual quer das maneiras, obrigado, és uma salvadora" e afastei-me para ir continuar a luta, ao qual ela me diz de imediato "Sim" e eu afirmo-lhe "Bem que podias te-los deixado continuar a matar-nos a todos" e de qualquer seguemento possivel ela surpreendentemente diz-me "Eu não sou um bot, sou uma jogadora a tentar divertir-me, tal como tu".
Pudesse eu ter qualquer reacção quando me apercebo da minha finalidade naquele jogoe a esta arqueira de nivel igual ao meu guerreiro lhe pergunto "queres-te encontrar para tomar um café?"... e o resto passou a fazer parte de outra história que não fazia parte de qualquer jogo possivelmente imaginado.

Game oveR! :)

Annoying power

Could have never thought of having such a delusional feeling, control isn't what I can do but it is what I have allways craved to be able to do, but such as this world and it's beings, I wasn't allowed the power for such thing, wrongly thought through so many years as I now find to discover that no power exists. I cannot help but to wonder aimlessly of what have I done untill now that could hurt others with this "power" that I never had, I feel constrained, thinking that life has almost been a wonderful lie.
Haven't I the notion that my wish wasn't ever a real one? Can I not make an ilusional world from scrap metal to something beatifull in wich I could bring you to it? Can I not travel through your mind, searching for every memory that you have for your utmost desires to be able to, step by step, reach further and further into your feelings? It is as it seems, I am unable to reach a glorious joy, without you by my side, because you can never be happy with futile words that I might say, but, alas, I will never know what to tell you untill you say to me what you want to hear from me. But these words are resting within my thoughts, waiting and waiting, and they will wait as much as they can untill you want to hear them, but when?
These words, I fear that if I were to tell them to you right now that I would only hurt you more than I see you suffering as you are now, this power to speak, sometimes feels so evil... If I could, I would tell you now these wonderfull words, if you wouldn't be in such pain right now, you would hear them... and maybe smile.
Maybe I should had noticed sooner that you never wanted to hear such words, from me at least, maybe this ignorance as made me blind to the point that I became to fell in love, but such thing sounds unreasonable and empty-headed to be said. Emptyness, is what such silence leaves in the path between us, and emptyness is all that will remain.

Her Personality

Though it seems unvelivable to think that there is no responsible soul in this hated world, I know I can count on her to show me a, though small, light in this endless pit we call life.
To be able to be in her presence is like living the world to it's fullest, to be able to talk to her is like apreceating every single one of nature's aspects, to be able to be in her life is like feeling that everythins was just fine.
Maybe this could not be herself, but I imagine that she is even better, I belive that she could bright anyone's world just by touching them, unlimited happyness is what I desire that she could bestow upon all life.
Can't stop asking myself the "how" can she have such effect on people and the "why" am I constantly admiring her, as the wonderful person that she is, I can't bring myself to find out the answers because I would rather live with the doubt so that nothing changes, and maybe someday she will explain to me what these curious misteries really are, but untill then, I will keep on dreaming about it and continue to be on her presence to enjoy it.
Shining upon my heart isn't enough to tell, but I know that as long as she keeps shining, I will want to shine alongside of her so that maybe we could inspire each other, if it were possible, so that her personality never fades away, so that she can continue to be the wonderful person she has always been.

Her Determination

As a normal person that people see in her, little do they know what in her mind is always wondering about. In her thoughts there is always a objective, either small or a really big one, no matter how easy or hard it would turn out to be, she allways acomplishes, even if time is of the essence, she always ends up with a beatifull smile on her face that would leave warmfelth in your heart.
Once she had a score to settle in which I helped her at that time. Though it took some time and effort untill the end, it pained me when I first took a glimpse after realizing that her efforts were unique and how far she would go to be sucessfull...
I can't imagine what she thinks whenever she sets up a new objective in her mind, don't know if she is ready to go for the challenge, don't know the endless turnbacks it could cause once it would be completed, but I can't stop admiring her for going on such a strange experiences that are completely unkown to me.
When she explained to me what she was trying to acomplish by that time, I understood that I could have a role in lending a helping hand, which I thought it would take too much time, seeing that I couldn't give myself any other considerable choice, I only thought that I could see her smiling for a whiole and actually rushed things up, and managed to do that had to be done, for her...
Aparently, the conclusion didn't had the effect it was suposed to have, but it was done, and for a relly short time, I saw her smiling, beatigully. I had also felth a little happy for myself, after all, it wasn't by choice, but somewhat like dedication, and all I wanted was to help her, to be her support.

Her knight

In dreams I try to find the imagination to where I can create a world in my own way. It's hard to dream what you want to dream, and the effort to put in it is unkown through these days.
There was this dream, where there was no mistery in your presence in it, as if it was rare for such an ocasion, and that you had aproached me and told me words, words that I heard to the fullest but that never reached out to myself, words that were full of emptyness. I didn't saw right away if they were words of truth or a fragile lie.
Must your words have shooken me so much after understanding them that they tore my head appart in doubt, it just didn't fit in. I tried so hard to find the right answer, but there was no hope of finding it, it was a lost answer, a forgotten one.
In the end, what I had answered maybe wasn't what she was hopping to hear, but it was the most honest one, and the fact that I said it in my dream, doesn't mean that her mind could really hear it... It was strange, stressing and unconfortable, it was not in her eyes that I saw what she really wanted to mean with her words, but instead by looking into her eyes, I gaze in a wonderous sould as confortable as the bulse of a warm heat could be.
It was after all that that I saw myself vanishing from this world created by imagination, I begun to loose myself from my feelings and thoughts as they were in agony of deception, it was heartbreaking...
It pains me a little knowing that she wasn't, in reality, hearing that what I answered was one of my most, therefore honest, desires, to protect her, to be her knight

Primavera

Simbólico seja o tempo dos sorrisos, "os bons velhos tempos" como alguns diriam, e de nada podemos negar que a infância é uma preciosidade, é quando começamos a explorar o mundo com tal curiosidade para podermos sonhar, podemos sorrir alegremente, mesmo após cair um dente de leite, que a fada dos dentes iria colocar lá uma moeda em troca... As histórias, as fantasias, os desenhos animados, e sobretudo, os intervalos das aulas (afinal de contas quem é que ia as aulas pelas aulas em si?)
"A infância é uma coisa esquesita. Por fora brilha com muita intensidade, enquanto que por dentro, nada consegue ser sentido." - Sartre
Se por veses seja verdade que na altura pareceria uma enorme dificuldade, se agora formos a retroceder nas nossas memórias até esse tempo, diriamos que era uma verdadeira felicidade termos conseguido ultrupassar desafios bastante simples, querendo dizer que não "é" facil ser criança, mas "foi" facil ser criança.
"A juventude é uma coisa fantastica, até parece um crime gasta-la em crianças" - George Bernard Shaw
Lá se saberia quantas mais oportunidades poderiamos ter para mil e uma aventuras, imensas de certeza que não foram aproveitadas mas que gostariamos de ter aproveitado, talvez momentos em que se tivesse passado de uma forma diferente nos deixem a questionar o que seria diferente agora...
"Tirar de volta a "Primavera da minha Juventude"? Eu não me lembro se quer de me a terem tirado" - Gouda Takeru
Crescemos e agora tu estás a ler este texto, e se já tiveres passado pela juventude, decerto que depois de lêr isto que te irás relembrar-te relaxadamente dos tempos da tua infância; se ainda fores novo(a), então, "Eu tenho três conselhos para vocês jovens: esforcem-se, esforcem-se mais, esforcem-se até ao fim." - Otto Eduard